Hey this exists: Tony Horton Kitchen

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I just learned from Twitter that Tony Horton has a food delivery service. It’s called Tony Horton Kitchen. And if you’re in LA, some of the food is actually at 7-11. What???? Luckies.

http://www.tonyhortonkitchen.com/

If you’re wondering, yes, I have tried a food delivery service. I don’t remember which one, it was a while back. It was good food but it didn’t work for me. I basically took all the little pieces of cheese and chocolate you were allowed throughout the week and ate all of those first, and at once. I’m for shit at following food plans. And diets. And portions. And anything that puts discipline and food in the same room. BUT HEY, if you’re not a complete animal like me, go for it. Looks like good stuff. Like flexitarian options with wild-caught salmon and grass-fed buffalo.

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My favorite tights: Chaturanga from Athleta

So, you know I have over 20 pairs of workout tights/capris/pants/leggings whatever you want to call ’ems. Anything dark, knee length, and thick enough not to show my cottage cheese, and high enough to hold in the muffin top, I like. But I think I just realized I have a favorite.

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I just got a fresh pair of Chaturanga capris from Athleta. I already have a full-length pair that I wear in the winter, which I love. And I just pulled these on and they’re just…so easy. So stretchy and forgiving and comfortable. I guess most of my capris are “performance fit” which means tight as hell so they squeeze you in and support your muscles and jiggly bits. So it is such a treat to pull on a pair and not feel like a sausage for once. I love you Chaturanga.

http://athleta.gap.com/browse/search.do?searchText=chaturanga

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Already had Chaturanga Odyssey Tights (looks like space dye in real life)…..Just got Chaturanga Stardust Capris. (looks like cheetah/snow leopard in real life)

Note: they are NOT thick, which I usually would not recommend. And they’re probably not great for running because they’re not performance-tight (which means they’ll probably slide down as you run). So I can’t recommend them for running. BUT I can recommend them for pretty much everything else. As long as you get a dark pair, preferably a pattern, you should be comfortable and camoflauged. Just like Imma be all friggin day in these puppies. Ahhh. Chaturanga.

They come in every length: shorties (tiny for you obnoxiously fit skinny minnies), shorts (not sure who, but if that’s your gig go for it) jammers (ditto. maybe under a skirt or something? it’s a mystery to me. but to each her own), capris and tights. In whatever pattern you could want, even crackly faux-leather and stripes. Bazam.

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Eating is fun.

Two things have made my produce and protein lifestyle infinitely more fun this week: QUEST BARS! SHIRATAKI NOODLES!

Dude. I was at ye olde Vitamin Shoppe the other day contemplating protein pudding, and happened upon Quest Bars. I tried a cookie dough and a cookies and cream. And they are the shit. I love me some cookie dough. I am capable of eating half a tube, easy. But obviously that’s not a constructive activity. This Quest Bar was very cookie dough-like and delicious. Screw you Atkins bars. Screw you Pure Protein. I know I shouldn’t be eating any of these science experiments, but when I need some “junk” food, I am absolutely Quest Bar for life now.

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Speaking of needing to eat something that reminds me of real food…remember noodles? You know, those starchy carb bombs you used to eat when you thought vegetarian pasta entree was the good weight loss choice? Well they’re motherfucking back on the table. Shiritaki noodles are these pretend, made from nothing, quazi-noodles that take zero seconds to prepare and you can stuff in your face like real pasta without the bloated, jangly, insulin disaster after. And they’re in your grocery store right now. I promise. Look above the tofu. Nasoya Pasta Zero. Put it in your face. pasta-zero-all-natural-shirataki-spaghetti-noodles_0

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June & July WorkOutFits, and a note about time.

Gotta get better at posting my WorkOutFit pics! I post on Instagram, but still. I should post here too.

So, in June and July I kind of fell off the workout wagon. I had a freelance gig in the city, which means almost 3 hrs of every day got eaten by commuting. And then the hours got kind of long (had a 70 hour week in there), so pfft. That’s it. No time to workout.

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THIS IS YOUR FITNESS PLAN ON ADVERTISING. And this was a good week. Srsly.

On that subject: I know that EVERY SINGLE FITNESS / NUTRITION PLAN EVER says that you have to make time. And I know that people with full time jobs and families somehow manage to fit in workouts. Or so the ads for P90X3, etc. would make you think. But I kind of don’t buy it. I don’t have kids. I have a home gym. And a gym-gym. and access to boot camp and dailey method. But after a week working on-site it was obvious, even though I was determined to make it work this time, there’s still just no effing way. At least not in my industry and not with my commute. I work on the train. I have like 45 minutes of free time at night, and that’s after I eat a too-late dinner. And I can’t do my job if I’m sleep-deprived, so that’s it. I’m sorry every fitness plan ever, sometimes I can’t make time. I think it’s a myth they put out there to make us feel like we’re not trying hard enough. Oh yeah, and to sell DVDS.

The one good thing that always comes out of an on-site gig is refreshed perspective on how much time I DO have (when I’m working from home) to work out like a madwoman if I want to. But basically, there’s no way to be as healthy as I want to be while commuting to the city. Which is why I’m freelance for life now. I have to do on-site gigs sometimes and they cost me. But it’s better than full time without any fitness fo’ sho.

So I’m puffy and frustrated, my ass is ginormous and creeping down the back of my legs, and my belly is bloated. And I’m and quite sad that I had a work gig blow up my life EXACTLY the second after I had started to make some real fitness progress and was feeling really capable. I was looking forward to bootcamp! I was enjoying kicking my own ass! Because I was fit enough to push myself. Because breathing hard was the zone not the edge. Do you know how good that feels? It feels AWESOME!

Oh, and did I mention I went off paleo and stuffed carb-drugs into my face for a week? That happened too. I mean, my nieces ate fresh restaurant pizza three feet away from me and I hadn’t had carbs for months. So. Yeah. Who can survive that? I knew it was time for a break, and that’s OK. (If only to remind me of how much better paleo feels.) But I took a week instead of a day. Don’t do that. Especially after losing a month of workouts. Don’t. It will put you where I am: fat pants mc whiny-town usa.

WAAAAH. But what are you gonna do? Sometimes you gotta work long hours. Sometimes you gotta eat a pizza. Or two. All I can do is acknowledge where I am, (bitch about it on my blog), and know that it’s going to be uncomfortable for a few weeks until I re-claim some fitness. And wear tunics. All tunics all the time. Because that’s what they’re for.

Anyway, here are the few WorkOutFits from the last month and a half or so.

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Me trying to send a message to myself when frustrated by work-related weight-gain. Note the TUNIC.

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Me likey the nike. Also: TUNIC.

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This was before the work weight showed up. Got a new Lulu tank on sale. SWEET.

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Tried some GapFit in the dressing room. Didn’t buy. Also: got called into work while I was in said dressing room. On a Saturday.

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This Lulu Tank was also on sale. I thought bribing myself with new tops would help me stay on track. (Note darkness outside window, this was a pre-work workout.) But no. Fashion is powerful but it cannot create time.

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This was also pre-weight gain. Great Lulu top for muggy sweaty summer days. Four stars.

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It’s a workout dress. Because Tunics don’t cover your butt.

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desperately need to log some treadmill time. WithoutWalls top.

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This is where I am now. All tunics all the time. Gap Body tunic. Old navy lace-bottom pants.

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Do not be fooled by my skinny mirror, the optical illusion of ombre, and the strategic gut-blocking phone placement. But do take notes. 🙂 Old Navy top, Zella leggings, Brooks shoes.

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Even my hair needs a forgiving cover-up sometimes!! ha!

Zella is stellar.

Hey, today’s the last day of the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. So I apologize for being so late to the game on this, but HAVE YOU TRIED ZELLA? Zella is Nordstrom’s fitness wear brand, and they’re pretty great. My sister-in-law convinced me to try them after swearing they were “non-cellulite-showy-offy.” And at $30 a pop (until tomorrow, then $44) for their super-popular “live-in leggings,” I mean, come on. Done.

I ordered a few different pairs, and even in purple, they are flattering. No celulite. Not too thick. Not too thin. Not too low. Not loose, but just tight enough. Im an idiot for not trying these before. EXCELLENT value. Pro pro pro. I’d take better pictures for you BUT THERE’S NO TIME! The sale ends tomorrow. Get it! (zella pictures are linked) And YES, Zella comes in plus sizes.

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sorry for the shitty photo. Guess my mirror is dusty.

 

How to wash your workout wear.

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OK. So. Now that you’ve ponied up 100 bucks for a schmancy high performing pair of workout pants, you need to take proper care of them to make them last.

Why? Because if you don’t, they will start to hold onto odor, they’ll stop wicking, and they’ll lose the perfect stretch and compression you paid so much for.

HOW should you wash athletic clothes? 

-In COLD water. (hot is bad for elastics)

-Only with other performance fabrics. Why? Because heavier/ rougher fabrics will beat up the sport fabric. Rough it up. Stretch it out. Cause it to pill.

-And HANG DRY. Before and after you wash. You should really hang your workout clothes up after you peel them off. Let the sweat evaporate, don’t throw them into your laundry pile all crumpled up and wet to fester and rot. Hang them to dry after washing, too. I am personally a hang dry-only freak. I hang dry everything except for sheets and towels. Because I can’t handle the emotional damage that shrinking will cause. I’m dead serious about this. Do not wash my clothes. Beware the wrath of the girl whose favorite whatever doesn’t fit anymore because it accidentally got thrown in the dryer. You do not want to be on the receiving end of that torrent of uncut rage and tears.

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Don’t even aim a blow dryer at my shit. I will cut you.

WHAT kind of detergent should you wash your athletic clothes with? 

-POWDER not liquid. Why? Because you don’t want residue. Any residue stuck to the fibers will coat them and keep them from wicking. You also don’t want fabric softeners or “optical brighteners” because they also coat fibers.  So unfortunately, Woolite is out.

-This is also why “Tide plus Febreeze” or any regular wash that just adds an odor eliminator doesn’t cut it.

-Most “sports detergents” focus only on body oils and odor. Apparently, active wear really likes to become permanently stinky. Because body oils and stinks bond differently to synthetics than they do to cotton. I guess I’ve noticed that a little, but overall, I’m more concerned with keeping the wicking performance and elasticity. And I assume if a detergent is good enough to preserve elasticity, it’s probably already got the odor and body oils thing covered.

Even the most “sporty” sports detergents (Win, Sport Wash) are liquid. So despite their macho labels, high prices, and sports-store distribution, they’re totally not ideal for keeping the physical performance properties of the fibers in tact. WTF right? BUT. Good news…

There are a few powdered sports washes out there, Vapor Fresh Sports Laundry Detergent (which is a good source of information, too) and Sports Suds. I haven’t tried either, but it seems like they should be good.

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I usually use Forever New. It comes in through the “fine garment care” door instead of the “odor eliminating” one. It’s for delicates and it says that it “preserves fiber flex” and “maintains elasticity.” I mean, if people wash their french lingerie in it, I trust it.

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Here, I’ve done the shopping for you!

Forever New: $14.50 for 32oz (16 washes)  on Amazon, prime eligible.

Vapor Fresh: $22 for 80oz (32 washes) + shipping on their site, same on Amazon, but prime eligible.

Sports Suds: $21 for 14oz (34 loads) through Amazon, prime eligible.

I was about to just order some more Forever New, but after doing this research for y’all it’s obvious that these other guys are cheaper per load, so I’m going to try Vapor Fresh, too. Although, I’m still not sold.  I don’t trust a detergent designed by a boy to eliminate stink to take care of lycra and preserve stretch as well as a lingerie detergent. Hmmm… Either way, I’ve gotta stop using the Tide with Febreeze. My clothes just feel slimy. Bad news.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE  The residue from liquid detergent is coating your washer too. So you’re supposed to clean it out by washing old towels in your new powdered detergent first. Not sure how this is going to work for me since we wash everything else in liquid…but…I guess we’ll just have to gradually switch from liquid to powder for everything. No reason not to.

Here’s what Sports Suds says about that:

http://www.sportsuds.com/First-Use-Information.html

So. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you you’re doing everything wrong. But now you know. And I learned some new stuff too. If it makes you feel better, I can’t do my stinky-ass laundry for a few days because I’m waiting for the special detergents to get here…

 

 

New Brands and wanty wants: Nancy Rose, T&F Store, Splits 59

Good News: I’ve been working out a lot latey, loving boot camp and P90X3 and love/hating Dailey Method. Starting to see some results. So obviously I’m like “I want a new fancy cute top. I deserve it.”

Bad News: At this moment, budget says NO, STUPID!

That’s why I’ve been doing all the DIY shirt stuff lately. Also: I haven’t been using all of the (bright, cheap) ribbed tanks I have. They’re right there. As long as I do a little something something with my hair and a headband, I can still make a WorkOutFit out of them…But you know how it is. Women be shopping.

So let’s pretend for a minute. Gotta get it out of my system. Here are some new (to me) brands and some stuff I’m trying not to by. 🙂 Obviously first thought is LuluLemon. But, eh. Any rich housewife can get that. Athleta, I’ve got that covered. IF I were to go shopping right now, I’d try to find some less common stuff. And let me tell you, it’s totally out there!

T&F Store. (Track and Field Store) TFStore.us

Ever wonder what the epically lovely looking Brazilians wear when they work out? You know, if they choose to, because they don’t have to because of their ridiculous genetics? Prolly this stuff. T&F store liked some of my Fitstagram Pics, so I checked them out. Super cute! Unfortunately, the only US store is in NYC. But I’ll bet there will be more soon. And THEY’RE WELCOME TO SEND ME GORGEOUS WORK OUT WEAR IF THEY’RE READING THIS…;)

T&F Store Run Mist Leggings: panels. Moving lines. Pleathery shiny calves. Yes.

T&F run mist back T&F Run Mist

T&F Store Sky Fitness Shorts: GOLD. SHORTS. GOLD! Somebody with the legs to pull these off please, please get them. How can you not be happy wearing or seeing these? They’re gooooolllld.

track&Field sky fitness shorts

SPLITS 59

I’m still irrationally in love with these Raquel Classic Flared pants from Splits 59. Probably because they’re the exact opposite of what would look good on my body type. And the colors are great, uncommon, primary colors. The green online isn’t accurate. They’re a great kelly green in real life. All of my Daily Method instructors rock these and they look so strong and lean and dancer-y. Good for them. And for you if you can pull these off. Get it.

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The other brand I learned about through the shopping rack at Dailey Method is Nancy Rose Performance. I have a pair of capris: they’re cute, high quality fabric, and fit well. They’re a little lower cut than I like, but thanks to all of the functional strength training I’ve been doing, I can wear them now. With a baggy tunic, of course, let’s not get crazy. But at least it’s not muffin top town. ANYWAY: I finally looked them up and WOW.

Nancy Rose Performance = Flattering, ballet inspired design and high quality materials. You want a nice top? Mostly you can get a tight-ass tank that shows the rolls or (like me) a tunic that flips up in boot camp. Enter Nancy Rose: Tons of different shapes and cuts with flattering lines and wraps and peplums oh my! Form fitting, without being too form revealing. PERFECT.

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WHATTTT???? Stuff for apples and pears and beanpoles, not just instructor-shaped fitness professionals! So good. So easy to wear. Thank you for existing, Nancy Rose!

 

 

Gym Shirt DIY

Old Navy T-shirts make me sad. Real sad. I bought these V-necks a while back because I thought they’d be a cheaper version of my favorite American Apparel V-neck that doesn’t seem to exist anymore. But no. It’s all about the fit, and these fit as basic and sad as can be. So they deserve to die.

First I hit them with bleach and RIT dye. Then I took my Nike tank, which has a nice loose-ish long-ish fit, and used it as a template, and turned those stupid shirts that made me feel sad into easy to grab no-brainer, I know that will work gym tanks. I mean, why not? Nothing to lose.

I also tank-ified a Nike men’s T-shirt so now I might actually wear it. I just can’t do sleeves when I work out. Why?

1. I feel all constrained and claustrophobic and sweaty.

2.  I have pretty broad shoulders, so tanks help me look more balanced.

3. I’m not going to show my legs (like ever) and I like my arms, so bare arms, covered legs is my gig. Again. Balance.