Oh, Sweaty Betty.

Sweaty Betty, London’s answer to Lulu, sent me another catalog today. I got it and thought “Hmm. Maybe this is the time I’ll actually order something.” They have great style. And every catalog comes with a 30% off code and free shipping, which takes a little bit of the sting out. So I sat down with an open mind and an open wallet.

Man did they fuck up.

They have just hiked up all of their prices from “yeesh” to “Fuck You.”

First page: Yellow “Free Style Tee.” Oversized tee with an open crossover back in lightweight fabric. (polyester.) $100.

Wait. What?

I thought $68 for a Lululemon tank was expensive, but at least I could rationalize it because the fabric is so thick and flattering and the cut hides my armpit fat.

But this is a leap, man. $100 for a fucking oversized YELLOW of all colors T-shirt?

Did Alexander McQueen come back from the dead and hand-distress it himself?

Is it woven completely out of the clippings swept up off the floor after Princess Kate gets her hair trimmed?

Is the yellow color made of dye that is squeezed out of canary feathers by artisan feather color squeezers, trained in the old way?

Does the open crossover back enable its wearer to literally fly?

Will wearing it cause Ryan Gosling/ Ryan Reynolds/ Whoever you like to appear before you to give you a pedicure?

Did the Mulleavy sisters (Rodarte) spit on it and then put it in a ziplock back that was on a shuttle that orbited the earth for twelve and a half years so it could get that perfect provenance and je ne sais quoi?

I mean, this is not a T-shirt put out by a label that has spent decades if not generations influencing fashion and art, and thereby kind of sort of able to sell a T-shirt for $100 because they’ve fucking earned it. This is a yellow polyester T-shirt for sweating in.

Did they put it there as a test to see if anyone was paying attention? Or did they just hike up the price like that because ladies who can buy your stuff don’t look at prices so why not take more of that money? Oh. Yeah. That’s what they did. And that’s really fucking rude. And that shit caught me on the wrong day.

Granted, on the next few pages there are some reasonably priced swimsuits (real suits cost money, a fact that you learn as you get into your one-piece years). But then, right there on page 15 and beyond:

Spin Training Tunic: “perfect lightweight running layer.” $115

Taper Run Tee $115

Zero Gravity Run Tights $160

(And no, I’m not posting pictures of ANY of it because I’m not going to help them sell it.)

Interval Run Tank $115

Cadence Run Jacket $200 and 40 fucking dollars are you mother fucking kidding me?

Tabata Training Tee $95 (I shit you not this is a boxy, short-sleeved, light grey T-shirt.)

Ocean Bay Zip Through (This is a hoodie.) $225

OH LOOK, HERE’S A $105 YOGA CAMI. Because if your outfit doesn’t cost twice as much as your monthly studio fees, then you’re never going to…what? I don’t even know what.

But then their sports bras are $65. Which is actually what a really good sports bra costs, so, reasonable.

Ohp, nope. Here’s another $90 yoga tee on the next page.

Sigh. Fine.

Enjoy your Sweaty Betty, rich people. I can take a hint. I’d be “more comfortable” in something else.

But also,

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LA Gear.

Sit and examine this photo for a good seven minutes and absorb all of the gloriousness. Relish in the complete lack of irony. Bask in the pure perkiness. Hear the rattling of the tenth empty can of Rave hairspray hitting the floor and rolling away as the stylist says “almost” and uncaps the eleventh. Don’t ask why skirts have suspenders, jean shorts have belts, and  jeans are worn over two layers of bike shorts. Just enjoy.

Thank you, picture of LA Gear models I found on Pinterest. Thank you.

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Reebok embraces its funky funky truth.

Reebok.

When I say that, what comes to mind?

For me, a child of the 80s and a teen of the 90s, I think of these:

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Like, totally bubble gum pink!

and these:

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Pump-pump it up!

Reebok was Nike before Nike was Nike. (Step Reebok, anybody? PURPLE PINK TEAL BLACK!) There was a little bit of celebrity endorsement, but bold, bright funky products were the star, because, after all, Reebok let U.B.U.

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Cow spots and southwestern? These were EVERYTHING!!!

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Did Reebok invent cross training? I don’t remember. Probably not, but here’s an article. CLICK.

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PSYCH! These are from 2014! (blacktop tribal)

And since then…um…crickets? Not really. They never stopped existing. But you tell me what Reebok has been known for since then. (Oh yeah, Easy Tone. I got a check from the class action suit. Whoopsie!)

Cut to: twenty years later…CROSSFIT. Such a funky, fringe, down and dirty sport-hobby thing. Reebok embraced it, branded it, and made it A THING. (Their CrossFit logo has even taken over and become their brand logo.) When I think about CrossFit (grunting out basic exercises in an extreme way and probably twisting an ankle?) I think “no thanks, weirdo. I care not about your WOD.” But when I watch it on TV, I am RIVETED!!! It’s like track and field. It’s basic in the best, “pared down to simple feats of physical strength, technique and endurance” way possible. Totally kooky, but totally owning it. And the ‘bok is all about it.

Reebok has a history of embracing specific sports and fitness trends (aerobics, Step Reebok) so this is a move that’s true to the brand’s DNA. It’s authentic. It feels right. They’re also the official footwear brand of the UFC, they have a line called “combat” (Fuck yeah!), and they have a partnership with Les Mills developing apparel and workouts. (Les Mills = Body Pump.)

Reebok is getting back to what they’ve been best at. Not trying to out-Nike nike or out-pro UnderArmour, but instead being a little funky dunky fringe, and celebrating specific, not-mainstream sports. They’re reissuing a lot of classics, and their current collection of fitness apparel reminds me of the late 80s/early 90s era when they were last kicking ass. (Check out their “Rally” summer lookbook here.)  It’s all coming back together. Good on you, Reebok. U.B.U.

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Pretty-Sweaty on the Socials

Hello! Quick little update on the digital world of Pretty-Sweaty:

  1. The Instagram account for this blog is now officially @prettysweaty 
  2. Below are some posts from the last few months.
  3. There is a twitter account for this blog @prettysweaty1 so you can now get fitness and fitstyle-themed bitchings, rantings, and ravings in bitesize form.
  4. I still hate tech-fabric shirts, so don’t worry, there’s stability in the world.