Quest bar dominance continues.

Um. Quest bar has some new flavors out this year. The two best are Oatmeal Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Cereal Bar. Don’t buy them unless you want to have to buy them every day forever because THEY ARE TOO DELICIOUS TO BE TRUE.

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My energy crisis Part 2: Ketosis

I am not normal. I am not a person who can do things like:

-have things in the house that taste good

or

-eat a piece of bread without eating all of the bread and then everything else in a 30 mile radius

 

It’s a long story. But the story’s not the point. The point is, for the last few months I’ve been trying being a Ketonian. And failing. And succeeding. And failing some more. But overall, it has made life SO MUCH EASIER because for the first time in my life I’ve stopped thinking about food. And I used to think about food pretty much all of the time. What food I was going to eat, what food I shouldn’t eat, what food other people can eat that I can’t handle, how it sucks not being able to handle normal foods like a normal person, waaaah waaah waaah blah blah blah. But ketosis just muted all of that noise.

How? Why? Being a “Kentonian” means following a ketogenic diet, which isn’t a diet, it’s a strategy of eating that switches your body from carb-fueled to fat-fueled. Why would you want that? 1. Because your brain prefers to run on fat 2. Because it’s a much more steady energy level and 3. You never fucking think about food.

Hey Aimee, isn’t that Atkins? Sort of. But the difference is, in Atkins they’re like “eat all of anything, as long as it’s under a certain amount of carbs.” But we all know deep down that “go nuts and eat all you want”will never work unless the thing you’re going nuts on is greens. FUCK. I know. But hey, eating more oil and good butter is pretty great. You should check it out.

Ketosis is different from Atkins in that it limits your protein. For me, the limit is 20g per meal, which is a totally reasonable serving. And the carb limit is 20g/day, which is like a good salad or two. You don’t eat starchy carbs. You eat more fats. And you’re satiated and can go long long periods of time without thinking about food. And it’s pretty great.

There’s a lot more to it than that, and you can look up all the Keto experts yourself. Maybe start with Dave Asprey and his podcast and the BulletProof Diet book.  If you’re someone like me who has a hard time with the highs and lows and cravings and crashes and binges and food drugs and all of that mess, you should check out Keto. It really simplifies things. Also, I have a friend who’s been doing it pretty much all year and she’s lost 55lbs. Which is awesome. But she tracks. And I’m a lazy undisciplined shit.

Getting into ketosis sucks. That’s true. You do get the carb flu (feel totally run down for a week) and all of that. But once you’re in it, it’s easier to get back into it when you fall out. And you will fall out. Often. I’m out of ketosis right now because I committed the horrendous crime of drinking Coke Zero this week.  Here are some other bullshit little things can throw you out of ketosis: protein bars, sugar free gum, diet pop, too much caffeine, one Goddamn cocktail, looking at a picture of a cupcake…It’s lame. But it’s also not that fucking hard if you actually try, Aimee.

I lost 7 lbs doing Keto this year. Without working out. (Sinus infections.)

But I’ve gained it back because I haven’t been counting my portions and stuff lately. Also, because of all the sinus infections, and antibiotics and steroids I’ve been on to treat the sinus infections, my shit’s a little messed up, and I need to eat more produce for a while. (One word: Microbiome.)

But I’m pro-Keto. I dig it. I dig bulletproof coffee. I dig eating salads with shit-tons of olive oil. I dig brisket. I think I might even like eating fat better than eating cookies now. Because eating fat makes me not think about cookies. And that’s a friggin’ miracle, people. A MIRACLE I SAY!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Energy Crisis, Part 1: Thyroid

This is me: I’m tired.

This is me: I feel like someone sucked the soul out of my body.

This is me: I feel like a walking corpse.

This is me: How do I make it through an entire day without drinking diet pop? Because me making it through the afternoon requires diet pop. REQUIRES. OK maybe tea. But still, caffeine or not functional.

I’ve NEVER had energy. Never. I have to drink coffee BEFORE I can get ready in the morning. And I’ve always had a hard time losing weight. And I’m never not hungry. And I always have low vitamin D. And I’m usually cold.

And like every fat girl, I have always secretly hoped that I had a thyroid problem (and wasn’t to blame, wasn’t lazy, actually did have an uphill battle, etc.). So every time I get a blood test at the doctor, I ask to have my thyroid checked. And every time, it comes back normal. But that blood test only measures one thing, and it’s not very specific. And I have a friend who’s life has been drastically improved by getting her thyroid tested by a professional. And there is a history of thyroid issues in my family (grandmother, uncle). So I finally went to an ENDOCRINOLOGIST to find out for real, once and for all.

Well guess what.

There are two categories of thyroid that your body produces. T4 (which is the big one, 90%, does most of the things) and T3 (smaller one, 10%, converted from T4, affects energy and mood). And apparently my body straight up DOES NOT MAKE T3. I am not crazy or lazy. I have hypothyroidism. OK then!

So I’ve been taking T3, and now I am closer to having normal-person energy.

And I’m working on getting rid of the Coke Zero habit.

So if you can swing it, and you feel like the walking dead most of the time, work on sleeping better, and maybe go see an endocrinologist. Your life could get a lot better. THERE IS HOPE IN THE WORLD!!!