Hi. Sorry I’ve been MIA for a bit. I’ve had some LIFE THINGS to figure out and still have a few to go. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I have a greeting card company, Brain Surgeons & Rocket Scientists, and I was going to go to the big stationery trade show in NYC this year. But then, just when I was having a freakout about how expensive it was going to be, I realized I also needed to get a new car ASAP. Ouch. OOF! The old one-two! I lost a lot of sleep agonizing about both of those things, and I’m just now popping out on the other side. I had to drop out of the show (super sad) and say goodbye to my beloved MINI Cooper S (sobbing out loud sad) and get a “real” car with “four doors” and an “actual back seat.”

(Side note: Do not for a second think there is anything wrong with a MINI. There’s just no way in earth-bound physics that I would be able to use a rear-facing convertible car seat (non-mom translation: frickin’ huge and you can’t take it in and out) in a two door car. It sucks. I loved my MINI. I held on to it as long as I could. I hope she ends up with a fun new owner who appreciates her as much as I did. Fuck. I’m going to cry again! I can’t help it. I love cars. Especially that one. )

When I signed up for the trade show, I thought I was doing a “just jump and you’ll figure it out” move. Which often works. Just not this time. Perhaps, and I’m just spitballing here, I mean, this could be total crazy talk, but maybe…when you have a child, you can no longer live as flexibly or spontaneously as you did before you had a child. And also, you need a four door car. You idiot.

So. Lesson learned? Or punishment dealt? All I know is I done messed up. And it was an expensive mistake. So learn from me, folks. Sometimes you actually should look before you leap. Unless you’re in your twenties. Then you need to stop being a chicken shit and go do stuff because you’ll be old before you know it.

And now back to your regularly scheduled obsession with black workout pants and protein bars and such….