Winter workout wear likes.

OK you guys. I forgot to tell you about a pair of Old Navy leggings that don’t suck. This is big, because they all suck. Unless you are skinny and have no cellulite. (Thin can wear cheap.) Even then, the quality is pretty suck-town. EXCEPT FOR THESE:

The Go Warm High Rise Compression Legging. They are neither super thick, nor super squeezy, despite their name. But they DO go up to the waist and the dark-on-dark stripe is pretty flattering, camouflage-y, and not see-through. I hate lined leggings, so these (plus leg warmers) are my winter walking pants. Also, they’re like $26. Boom.

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In other news: Lucy’s new stuff is pretty cute. They’ve stepped it up. Their jackets in particular are a little different. Avoid the crowd at Lulu, hit up Lucy, and you’ll probably have something that the rest of the studio sorority doesn’t have. I’m talking to you, twenty women I saw at the mall yesterday with LuluLemon bags…LuluLemmings.

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OK. I admit these photos I pulled from the Lucy website are not that mind-blowing. But if you’re by the store, swing in. They’re better in person.

I was also in Dick’s this weekend. And Nordstrom. And Athleta. And LuluLemon. (My husband got Lasik so I was killing a lot of time in the mall-type area near the Lasik office waiting to pick him up.)  Overall, my impression is this: every main stream fitness line has become more stylish. None of them are pathetic anymore. Nike has tons of cute, longer, more flattering cuts this year. Under Armor has better colors, new patterns, etc. Calia is still way too much product, but it’s all quite pretty. Lulu’s always good. Athleta and Lucy have caught up. Adidas, I’m sad to say, seems to be lagging way behind, though. (Except for the Stella McCartney and adidas originals stuff, of course. That shits always hot. Just their training clothes are lame.)

I have to not buy things for a bit, but if I were in buying mode this weekend, I would have bought these in a hot second.

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I still kind of need this sweatshirt. I’m still thinking about it two days after seeing it. If I win the powerball, I’ll go get it. 😉 Or if you win, send me one.

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Nike

I’d like to visit the world where this camo makes you disappear!

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Nike

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Under Armour

Um. Hello, Nick Cave soundsuits + Yayoi Kusama polka dots! I would love to look like a trippy muppet. Awesome!

 

 

 

 

Dressing the Fit Bump

WHAT I’VE LEARNED ABOUT BEING PREGNANT, WORKING OUT, AND WHAT TO WEAR

1. Shopping stops being fun.

So, shopping for workout wear is massively less fun when you’re pregnant. There’s no such thing as “man this top makes me feel sleek and powerful.” It’s just “man, I look like a hippo.”

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Couldn’t even zip the damn jacket.

 

2. You’re tired as shit.

Working out when you’re pregnant is massively less fun, also. First trimester I barely did anything because I was so fatigued. I mean, a walk around the block was a win. I’m not kidding. Also, your blood volume increases, which makes you feel instantly like you’ve lost all of your cardiovascular fitness. So while you can still wear your workout clothes, you can’t workout and feel like the laziest piece of shit on earth. Or at least I did.

3. Even if you want to run the whole pregnancy, you might not be able to.

Second trimester, I got my energy back, but my appetite grew. So I’ve just been growing in every way. Working out…eh. I can’t run because it feels like my bladder is going to fall out, and I’m generally pretty lazy. I walk. I’ll do a little Dailey Method. A little lifting. A few 21 day fix videos. Also, I went to spin twice, figuring “hey, no impact, perfect.” One class was fine. But another class, we did a lot of really fast pedaling, which was basically me bouncing (slamming) up and down really fast on a bike seat for an hour. Pretty uncomfortable. Anyway, workout commitment and consistency?…Not even close. Granted, I work from home, so I struggle with structure and routine. You may not be such a worthless slacker.

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This is me after spin.

4. Even though you don’t want to shop, you have to.

As far as workout wear goes: 1st trimester I just bought larger sizes of pants I liked. My Athleta Chaturanga leggings were king. They’re really soft and stretchy, not a compression pant. I also rocked a pair of seamless champion tights that I just bought huge. I didn’t feel comfortable bouncing a ton, so it didn’t matter if they weren’t tight enough to really stay up.

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Athleta Chaturangas.

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Champion seamless yoga capris.

 

 

5. At some point you WILL have to buy maternity pants. And it will change your life. 

So you might think you can save yourself some money buy just buying larger workout pants, that you’ll still need later as you’re coming back down from preggo size. Yeah. You need those. But at some point, that belly is going to grow. And even though pants fit in the butt and legs, they just get more and more uncomfortable on your gut. I went on a road trip in regular jeans before I could bring myself to buy maternity. It was a mistake. I had to lie back with the car seat reclined, pants undone Al Bundy-style, whining the whole time about how I couldn’t breathe. Don’t be vain and stupid like me. Be comfortable and get on with your life.

6. Start with under the belly.

At first you’ll want under-the-belly stuff. These basically have a big elastic waist band and slope down at the front. Very comfortable. I have some jeans and leggings. And I tried the Maternity Straight Up Pant, and Maternity Metro Legging from Athleta. The Straight Up is called that because they’re closer to a straight leg than a bell-bottom yoga style. I didn’t like them because they were tight and compression-y. The Metro Legging is a legging with seams and pockets so it’s styled like a jean. I like them because they’re slightly more pant-like than leggings, but they do tend to slide down when I’m walking.

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Athleta Maternity Straight Up

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Athleta Maternity Metro

 

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Athleta Maternity Metro.

As far as “public pants” go, I found that the J.Crew maternity minnie pants were actually LOWER rise than the regular ones. No bueno. The Old Navy fake Minnie pants (pixie) maternity are a fine substitute. And for anything in the “black stretchy pant” category,Target is fine. I have some Gap and Old Navy maternity jeans. Also fine. You could spend more, but really, you just keep on changing sizes so why? Oh, and Free People is pretty great for big flowy but still edgy-ish tops. I just wear tanks, big cardigans, big flowy tops, and the occasional blazer. I am not a dress person. I am not a baby-doll top person. They look like sad potato sacks and I just won’t go there.

7. Transition to fold over/ full belly. 

Of course I couldn’t be without my Old Navy Yoga Pants, so I ordered those a size bigger, and then quickly realized that that was pointless and ordered the maternity ones. They have a full belly panel. Which I folded over because my gut didn’t quite fill it up yet. (Now it does.) Same thing with full-belly panel jeans. You’ll want to transition, or at least I did, because while I can technically wear the under the belly stuff, my belly looks more like rolls of beer gut when I sit down and it falls over the band. With a full panel, you get a smooth line. And you can fold it to give yourself a “belly band” effect. I might try a belly band with the low panel pants to see if that works too.

As far as full-on, full-panel maternity workout pants go, I have the Chaturanga (great), some Old Navy capris (fine, but not nearly as stretchy and comfy, compression = not fun), and the Old Navy Yoga Pants. Which everyone knows you don’t work out in, (butt sweat), you just wear around the house because you don’t want to wear real pants ever. Speaking of, those fold-over “yoga leggings” that the kids wear as pants (shudder) are SUPER COMFORTABLE for pregnant times. That fold over flap just becomes a belly panel. Thanks, Target! (and no, I do not mean PINK pants. PINK is for little sluts, littler wannabe sluts and old clueless wannabes. You know better. Don’t do it.)

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Screen Shot 2014-12-08 at 11.11.43 AM Athleta Full-panel Chaturanga with the fold over trick.

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Old Navy Maternity Compression Capris

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Fold over “yoga” (yeah right) leggings from Target.

 

7. Tops are depressing.

You can totally hide for a while. I just layered tanks and high-low tops and it was totally fine for the first bit. I have been able to wear regular tank tops so far. (I am a pear, though. Apples, maybe not. We get what we get.) But I’m at 26 weeks now, and I don’t think I can really wear my regular ribbed tanks anymore.  I have a stash of maternity tanks (rouched sides, extra material) ready to go. You’d think you’d want to wear baggy tops, but with me it’s kind of the opposite. Because my beloved tunics don’t flow and hide. Now they kind of almost…fit. It’s not a fun feeling.

I bought one new top at LuluLemon  (black friday weekend clearance). The Run Times Tank. They don’t have it on the site anymore. It’s another bra and breezy over-tank kind of a top, but the over-tank has a little more coverage, the bra has wider straps, and a higher neckline, and the bottom of the bra extends down further so only a teeny little bit of rib skin shows. I look like a marshmallow in it. It bums me out. But it will be a cute feminine thing for after baby. Oh, and special fun note on that top in particular: I posted a picture of me in it on instagram, and some really charming fellow who has an instagram account that posts only pictures of women with bubble butts (in thongs, and yoga pants and volleyball shorts) said, and I quote: “hahaha absolutely disgusting. :)” How did he know how I felt? He must be a real empath. Some lucky girl is going to get to marry him. Or some sex doll with a bubble butt will get to marry him. Because apparently that’s all women’s bodies are to him. Parts. Yay internet!

So anyway, to me, tighter tops are less depressing because at least you’re not adding more volume up there. And for your budget, that’s good. Because you only need a few tank tops. And the Breathe tank from Athleta is great.

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Athleta Breathe Tank

 

Speaking of breathing…good luck with that because…

8. You can’t breathe so good. 

My out of breath-ness comes and goes. But blood volume + baby taking up more and more of your body cavity = less lung capacity. It doesn’t feel that way all the time. But…it’s only going to keep getting more crowded in there.

9. Your baby squishes your stomach. So full is REALLY FULL.

And yet, I keep on eating more than I need to, every single time I eat. What’s up with that? Oh yeah, I’m an idiot with a compulsive eating problem. And hormones. Good times.

10. Your boobs get HUGE. And they hurt. Like. Hell. But not all the time.

I never wanted big boobs. My boobs were fine. Neither here nor there. Never bothered me. Now, they’re big, and it has taken some getting used to. I won’t even go from bed to the bathroom without some support. I basically live in bralettes now. My jog bras don’t fit. I bought bigger ones, but they’re still pretty damn uncomfortable. I can’t do bouncy jumpy run-y things anyway, so it doesn’t matter. I don’t need sport-level support. I bought bra band extenders for my real bras. Which kind of work. But I broke down and bought some real bras in the right size yesterday at soma. Yeah. the kind that pretty much have fabric up to your neck and stick out ABOVE your tank top neck lines? Those. Real woman bras. Not very exciting. But the holidays are coming and I will have to go out in public more often. So. Support is probably a good thing to have.

11. You can’t work out for more than 5 minutes because you have to pee every 3 minutes.

Seriously. I mean, I pee more than a puppy when I’m not pregnant. Pregnant, I pee more than I thought was humanly possible. I can’t take a walk that’s longer than 20 minutes, because, no way. And now my dog is getting fat. Even when I walk on the treadmill at home, I have to hop off every five minutes. I’m not joking. It’s ridiculous. I took a “fit 4 baby” fitness class…had to pee before, during, and after. In second trimester came the “double pee.” I’d go upstairs, walk down half a flight of stairs, and have to turn back around and go again. And now that I’m almost in third trimester, the triple pee has started. I will, I shit you not, I sweat to fucking whatever, have to pee three times in five minutes. So yeah, that’s another reason why workouts are tough. You either have to pee, or are stopping to pee. Jumping Jacks? Not gonna happen. I peed twice while trying to write this paragraph.

I could go on about all the other things I’ve learned, but there’s an entire universe of mommy bloggers for that shit. I’ll just keep it to the workout clothes and fitness stuff.

Here are some of my pregnant WorkOutFits: And yes, I had pink hair for a bit. It was leftover from Halloween.

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Athleta breathe top and maternity Chaturanga leggings.  23 weeks.

 

 

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Lululemon Run Times Tank, Old Navy Yoga pants, 25 weeks

 

 

 

 

 

June & July WorkOutFits, and a note about time.

Gotta get better at posting my WorkOutFit pics! I post on Instagram, but still. I should post here too.

So, in June and July I kind of fell off the workout wagon. I had a freelance gig in the city, which means almost 3 hrs of every day got eaten by commuting. And then the hours got kind of long (had a 70 hour week in there), so pfft. That’s it. No time to workout.

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THIS IS YOUR FITNESS PLAN ON ADVERTISING. And this was a good week. Srsly.

On that subject: I know that EVERY SINGLE FITNESS / NUTRITION PLAN EVER says that you have to make time. And I know that people with full time jobs and families somehow manage to fit in workouts. Or so the ads for P90X3, etc. would make you think. But I kind of don’t buy it. I don’t have kids. I have a home gym. And a gym-gym. and access to boot camp and dailey method. But after a week working on-site it was obvious, even though I was determined to make it work this time, there’s still just no effing way. At least not in my industry and not with my commute. I work on the train. I have like 45 minutes of free time at night, and that’s after I eat a too-late dinner. And I can’t do my job if I’m sleep-deprived, so that’s it. I’m sorry every fitness plan ever, sometimes I can’t make time. I think it’s a myth they put out there to make us feel like we’re not trying hard enough. Oh yeah, and to sell DVDS.

The one good thing that always comes out of an on-site gig is refreshed perspective on how much time I DO have (when I’m working from home) to work out like a madwoman if I want to. But basically, there’s no way to be as healthy as I want to be while commuting to the city. Which is why I’m freelance for life now. I have to do on-site gigs sometimes and they cost me. But it’s better than full time without any fitness fo’ sho.

So I’m puffy and frustrated, my ass is ginormous and creeping down the back of my legs, and my belly is bloated. And I’m and quite sad that I had a work gig blow up my life EXACTLY the second after I had started to make some real fitness progress and was feeling really capable. I was looking forward to bootcamp! I was enjoying kicking my own ass! Because I was fit enough to push myself. Because breathing hard was the zone not the edge. Do you know how good that feels? It feels AWESOME!

Oh, and did I mention I went off paleo and stuffed carb-drugs into my face for a week? That happened too. I mean, my nieces ate fresh restaurant pizza three feet away from me and I hadn’t had carbs for months. So. Yeah. Who can survive that? I knew it was time for a break, and that’s OK. (If only to remind me of how much better paleo feels.) But I took a week instead of a day. Don’t do that. Especially after losing a month of workouts. Don’t. It will put you where I am: fat pants mc whiny-town usa.

WAAAAH. But what are you gonna do? Sometimes you gotta work long hours. Sometimes you gotta eat a pizza. Or two. All I can do is acknowledge where I am, (bitch about it on my blog), and know that it’s going to be uncomfortable for a few weeks until I re-claim some fitness. And wear tunics. All tunics all the time. Because that’s what they’re for.

Anyway, here are the few WorkOutFits from the last month and a half or so.

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Me trying to send a message to myself when frustrated by work-related weight-gain. Note the TUNIC.

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Me likey the nike. Also: TUNIC.

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This was before the work weight showed up. Got a new Lulu tank on sale. SWEET.

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Tried some GapFit in the dressing room. Didn’t buy. Also: got called into work while I was in said dressing room. On a Saturday.

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This Lulu Tank was also on sale. I thought bribing myself with new tops would help me stay on track. (Note darkness outside window, this was a pre-work workout.) But no. Fashion is powerful but it cannot create time.

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This was also pre-weight gain. Great Lulu top for muggy sweaty summer days. Four stars.

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It’s a workout dress. Because Tunics don’t cover your butt.

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desperately need to log some treadmill time. WithoutWalls top.

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This is where I am now. All tunics all the time. Gap Body tunic. Old navy lace-bottom pants.

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Do not be fooled by my skinny mirror, the optical illusion of ombre, and the strategic gut-blocking phone placement. But do take notes. 🙂 Old Navy top, Zella leggings, Brooks shoes.

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Even my hair needs a forgiving cover-up sometimes!! ha!

Gym Shirt DIY

Old Navy T-shirts make me sad. Real sad. I bought these V-necks a while back because I thought they’d be a cheaper version of my favorite American Apparel V-neck that doesn’t seem to exist anymore. But no. It’s all about the fit, and these fit as basic and sad as can be. So they deserve to die.

First I hit them with bleach and RIT dye. Then I took my Nike tank, which has a nice loose-ish long-ish fit, and used it as a template, and turned those stupid shirts that made me feel sad into easy to grab no-brainer, I know that will work gym tanks. I mean, why not? Nothing to lose.

I also tank-ified a Nike men’s T-shirt so now I might actually wear it. I just can’t do sleeves when I work out. Why?

1. I feel all constrained and claustrophobic and sweaty.

2.  I have pretty broad shoulders, so tanks help me look more balanced.

3. I’m not going to show my legs (like ever) and I like my arms, so bare arms, covered legs is my gig. Again. Balance.