Quest for the (padded) cup.

There are two kinds of sports bras: the kind with padded cups and the kind that are stupid.

If there’s no padding, then there’s nippage, and that’s not OK. I don’t think we need, like, Wonderbra-level padding, just something to smooth things out. That’s all I, on behalf of all humanity, ask for. Well, that and one more thing…

Almost every single top or sports bra I have that came with padding, came with REMOVABLE PADDING.

Why?

No seriously, I’m asking.

Because I don’t know anyone who would want to

-be flatter

-choose to show their nips to their Crossfit class

-hand wash foam disks, separately from everything else, and then try do the magic origami trick that is necessary to get them back into those stupid little slits and back in the right position.

WHY ARE THEY REMOVABLE? WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK WITH THAT?

They’re pressed against the sweatiest stinkiest part of your body. They need to be washed. Why not just make them part of the bra, SO WE CAN WASH THEM, without having to search for rogue foam cups beneath the washing machine agitator like they’re rare artifacts in Egypt and we are Indiana Jones in the mother fucking temple of mother fucking doom?

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I’m talking about these mother fuckers.

Putting on a jog bra sucks. Taking one off sucks even more. Washing them sucks because you have to use cold water, and special detergent in order to not destroy the spandex, and air dry them, and then when you go to put them on again THOSE STUPID PADS ARE EITHER MISSING, OR THEY’RE FOLDED IN HALF AND HAVE SOMEHOW MIGRATED THROUGH A SECRET INTERNAL TUNNEL IN THE BRA AND ARE NOW IN THE BACK STRAP BY THE CLASP. BY THE CLASP!!!! That’s enough to make me say screw it and not work out, right there.

Then you have to spend ten minutes swearing, and moving them half inch by half inch back into their place, and then unfold them THROUGH THE FABRIC, blindly trying to figure out if the three points are in the the right three corners of the bra.

FOR FUCK’S SAKE. It sucks enough being a woman. SPORTSWEAR COMPANIES, PLEASE. SEW THE CUPS INTO THE BRAS.

JUST SEW THE DAMN CUPS INTO THE BRAS. Removable cups are stupid and pointless.

Just sew the damn cups into the bras. Please.

So I can stop doing this. This is just sad. Fix it.

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Pretend Shopping Spree: Reebok

Like I said in my previous article about Reebok, I have a lot of respect for this funky, gritty, true to itself brand. They’re doing great work right now. And they’re making some great looking workout wear. For to enjoy: Reebok.

1. Combat Bralette $60 2. CrossFit High Impact Bra $70 3. Reebok X Tristan Eaton Collage Tight $65  4. Dance Shattered Glam Tight $55  5. Cardio Woven Jacket $110  6. Reebok X Face Stockholm $50

VSX X JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS

Holy shit. This is truly outrageous.

Victoria’s Secret Sport has a line of sports bras based on Jem and the Holograms.

I mean, they might not KNOW that they did it. But they totally did it.

I introduce to you the “Incredible” by Victoria’s Secret sports bra.

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RIGHT??????

But wait. There’s more!!!

PIZAZZZ!

 

SYNERGY!

 

KIMBER!

 

Of course, my fitstyle is more

JETTA!

But whatever.

Thank you VSX for that surprising bit of joy I had trying on sports bras yesterday.

 

 

Can we talk about strappy bras? / The Sports Bra Report

2014 was all about the pants. (Patterns! Colors! Laces! Mesh!)

2015 and and 2016 so far: it’s all about the bras.

What are my thoughts on sports bra fashion? This is a very important question in the world today. Obviously. Let’s dive in.

I like a deep arm hole, so I appreciate a cute sports bra.

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But I’ve learned from experience that the bolder the bra design, the less you can wear it with.

I don’t really understand why every bra isn’t made for high impact, and have lining or padding. Who wants saggy nipply sacks showing through their shirt during sweat yoga? I don’t want to see that shit. This is not NatGeo. Get a real bra.

I instantly don’t like anyone who doesn’t wear a top over her sports bra, either. I mean, come on. You know exactly what you’re doing and it’s not powerful or cool. Save it for Instagram.

Long bras or bralettes or short tanks or whatever Taylor Swift wears are somehow OK, though. There’s probably a formula.

APPROPRIATE AB EXPOSURE =

YOUR PALM WIDTH minus IF YOU EAT CARBS divided by IF YOU HAVE ANY SHAME

or something like that.

But the big trend in sports bras right now is the super strappy bra. I’m sure it was inspired by the cage/harness bra trend, which I find edgy, but generally kind of unflattering.

Oh, and skanky. That shit is skanky as HEY-ull. But I think that’s why it’s appealing. Everybody wants to skank it up sometimes and that is your goddess given right (in the bedroom or near water, and only if you’re young enough, for fuck’s sake, please) so whatever. Go get it.

Right now, every athletic wear site has a strappy bra for its main image when you click on “sports bras.” Don’t believe me? Try it. I’ll wait.

There are wide straps and skinny straps and rib cage straps and holy shit is that a spider web? straps. And that’s all good and fine, but I’m not buying any of them.

  1.  Because it’s hard to style that shit. You always end up with too much going on.
  2.  Because it just looks hard to get into. ANGTFT
  3.  Thin-strapped bras dig into my neck and give me a headache, so mo’ straps mo’ problems?
  4.  In my old age, I’m realizing how quickly things become dated. And I’d rather drop $65 on a super supportive black thing that I can wear until it falls apart than a cute strappy thing that’s only going to be on trend for a few months. But, hey, that’s just me and my mood. If you like it, rock it. I salute any effort put towards feeling good about yourself while you do the work.

BUT, big picture, it’s a little “lingerie,” and I prefer more warrior / less princess for my power outfits. Same goes for anything that looks like lace. Just doesn’t feel right.

But Aimee, do you like anything? At all? Why are you such a hater?

OK fine. There’s one thing in sports bra land that I really like right now. OK two.

First one is the leather look. Or lustrous look. Holy shit. This is edgy and cool and bad ass and a little sexy, but more in a “I will slap you” way and less of a “please think I’m pretty” way. You know what I’m saying? There’s a huge difference. And it’s all in who has the power. To me, this leather look is something you wear for you, it’s very superhero, very strong. And strappy is something you wear for others. Who have peens.

Screen Shot 2016-02-25 at 9.50.50 AMforever-21-black-high-impact-faux-leather-paneled-sports-bra-product-2-886530083-normalforever-21-black-low-impact-faux-leather-cage-back-sports-bra-product-1-25690563-0-401901307-normalScreen Shot 2016-02-25 at 10.26.46 AMScreen Shot 2016-02-25 at 9.57.10 AMScreen Shot 2016-02-25 at 9.57.18 AMScreen Shot 2016-02-25 at 10.03.38 AMScreen Shot 2016-02-25 at 9.51.54 AMScreen Shot 2016-02-25 at 9.52.48 AM

Second thing I’m digging in the sports bra world is this new (to me) brand, Panache Sport. I saw them everywhere when I was on my tour of every athletic wear store last month. Panache is a lingerie brand from the UK, and Panache Sport is their athletic side. They only make one bra, with or without underwire. They’re pricey, but they’ve got pretty good design, major support, they’re flattering, they’re high enough so your bits don’t fall out, AND they’re cute/powerful looking. They’re kind of everything. I’m not in spend mode, but I did find one for cheaper on Zappos or Amazon or something. It was cheaper because it’s a weird color. There’s always a trade off. You get what you pay for. It’s hard to wear with a lot, because IT’S BLUE AND ORANGE!, but it is a really solid bra. I recommend.

And that’s what I have to say about that.

Oh, and and also, camo is huge right now.

Later.