My favorite tights: Chaturanga from Athleta

So, you know I have over 20 pairs of workout tights/capris/pants/leggings whatever you want to call ’ems. Anything dark, knee length, and thick enough not to show my cottage cheese, and high enough to hold in the muffin top, I like. But I think I just realized I have a favorite.

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I just got a fresh pair of Chaturanga capris from Athleta. I already have a full-length pair that I wear in the winter, which I love. And I just pulled these on and they’re just…so easy. So stretchy and forgiving and comfortable. I guess most of my capris are “performance fit” which means tight as hell so they squeeze you in and support your muscles and jiggly bits. So it is such a treat to pull on a pair and not feel like a sausage for once. I love you Chaturanga.

http://athleta.gap.com/browse/search.do?searchText=chaturanga

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Already had Chaturanga Odyssey Tights (looks like space dye in real life)…..Just got Chaturanga Stardust Capris. (looks like cheetah/snow leopard in real life)

Note: they are NOT thick, which I usually would not recommend. And they’re probably not great for running because they’re not performance-tight (which means they’ll probably slide down as you run). So I can’t recommend them for running. BUT I can recommend them for pretty much everything else. As long as you get a dark pair, preferably a pattern, you should be comfortable and camoflauged. Just like Imma be all friggin day in these puppies. Ahhh. Chaturanga.

They come in every length: shorties (tiny for you obnoxiously fit skinny minnies), shorts (not sure who, but if that’s your gig go for it) jammers (ditto. maybe under a skirt or something? it’s a mystery to me. but to each her own), capris and tights. In whatever pattern you could want, even crackly faux-leather and stripes. Bazam.

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Eating is fun.

Two things have made my produce and protein lifestyle infinitely more fun this week: QUEST BARS! SHIRATAKI NOODLES!

Dude. I was at ye olde Vitamin Shoppe the other day contemplating protein pudding, and happened upon Quest Bars. I tried a cookie dough and a cookies and cream. And they are the shit. I love me some cookie dough. I am capable of eating half a tube, easy. But obviously that’s not a constructive activity. This Quest Bar was very cookie dough-like and delicious. Screw you Atkins bars. Screw you Pure Protein. I know I shouldn’t be eating any of these science experiments, but when I need some “junk” food, I am absolutely Quest Bar for life now.

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Speaking of needing to eat something that reminds me of real food…remember noodles? You know, those starchy carb bombs you used to eat when you thought vegetarian pasta entree was the good weight loss choice? Well they’re motherfucking back on the table. Shiritaki noodles are these pretend, made from nothing, quazi-noodles that take zero seconds to prepare and you can stuff in your face like real pasta without the bloated, jangly, insulin disaster after. And they’re in your grocery store right now. I promise. Look above the tofu. Nasoya Pasta Zero. Put it in your face. pasta-zero-all-natural-shirataki-spaghetti-noodles_0

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June & July WorkOutFits, and a note about time.

Gotta get better at posting my WorkOutFit pics! I post on Instagram, but still. I should post here too.

So, in June and July I kind of fell off the workout wagon. I had a freelance gig in the city, which means almost 3 hrs of every day got eaten by commuting. And then the hours got kind of long (had a 70 hour week in there), so pfft. That’s it. No time to workout.

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THIS IS YOUR FITNESS PLAN ON ADVERTISING. And this was a good week. Srsly.

On that subject: I know that EVERY SINGLE FITNESS / NUTRITION PLAN EVER says that you have to make time. And I know that people with full time jobs and families somehow manage to fit in workouts. Or so the ads for P90X3, etc. would make you think. But I kind of don’t buy it. I don’t have kids. I have a home gym. And a gym-gym. and access to boot camp and dailey method. But after a week working on-site it was obvious, even though I was determined to make it work this time, there’s still just no effing way. At least not in my industry and not with my commute. I work on the train. I have like 45 minutes of free time at night, and that’s after I eat a too-late dinner. And I can’t do my job if I’m sleep-deprived, so that’s it. I’m sorry every fitness plan ever, sometimes I can’t make time. I think it’s a myth they put out there to make us feel like we’re not trying hard enough. Oh yeah, and to sell DVDS.

The one good thing that always comes out of an on-site gig is refreshed perspective on how much time I DO have (when I’m working from home) to work out like a madwoman if I want to. But basically, there’s no way to be as healthy as I want to be while commuting to the city. Which is why I’m freelance for life now. I have to do on-site gigs sometimes and they cost me. But it’s better than full time without any fitness fo’ sho.

So I’m puffy and frustrated, my ass is ginormous and creeping down the back of my legs, and my belly is bloated. And I’m and quite sad that I had a work gig blow up my life EXACTLY the second after I had started to make some real fitness progress and was feeling really capable. I was looking forward to bootcamp! I was enjoying kicking my own ass! Because I was fit enough to push myself. Because breathing hard was the zone not the edge. Do you know how good that feels? It feels AWESOME!

Oh, and did I mention I went off paleo and stuffed carb-drugs into my face for a week? That happened too. I mean, my nieces ate fresh restaurant pizza three feet away from me and I hadn’t had carbs for months. So. Yeah. Who can survive that? I knew it was time for a break, and that’s OK. (If only to remind me of how much better paleo feels.) But I took a week instead of a day. Don’t do that. Especially after losing a month of workouts. Don’t. It will put you where I am: fat pants mc whiny-town usa.

WAAAAH. But what are you gonna do? Sometimes you gotta work long hours. Sometimes you gotta eat a pizza. Or two. All I can do is acknowledge where I am, (bitch about it on my blog), and know that it’s going to be uncomfortable for a few weeks until I re-claim some fitness. And wear tunics. All tunics all the time. Because that’s what they’re for.

Anyway, here are the few WorkOutFits from the last month and a half or so.

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Me trying to send a message to myself when frustrated by work-related weight-gain. Note the TUNIC.

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Me likey the nike. Also: TUNIC.

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This was before the work weight showed up. Got a new Lulu tank on sale. SWEET.

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Tried some GapFit in the dressing room. Didn’t buy. Also: got called into work while I was in said dressing room. On a Saturday.

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This Lulu Tank was also on sale. I thought bribing myself with new tops would help me stay on track. (Note darkness outside window, this was a pre-work workout.) But no. Fashion is powerful but it cannot create time.

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This was also pre-weight gain. Great Lulu top for muggy sweaty summer days. Four stars.

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It’s a workout dress. Because Tunics don’t cover your butt.

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desperately need to log some treadmill time. WithoutWalls top.

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This is where I am now. All tunics all the time. Gap Body tunic. Old navy lace-bottom pants.

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Do not be fooled by my skinny mirror, the optical illusion of ombre, and the strategic gut-blocking phone placement. But do take notes. 🙂 Old Navy top, Zella leggings, Brooks shoes.

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Even my hair needs a forgiving cover-up sometimes!! ha!

Commuter Jackets Worth Checking Out – Title Nine

Title Nine: Like I’ve said,  I have a ton of respect for them, their message, and their sports bra expertise. But their clothes just aren’t quite my style. So I was surprised and stoked to see some pretty slick commuter jackets in their fall catalog. (Commuter means biking, but they work for any kind of schlepping outside of a car.) And they’ve got some good looking leggings too. TitleNine.com

Trinity Jacket from Title Nine

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Accelerator Trench from Title Nine

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Peacekeeper Trench by Title Nine

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Master Trench by Title Nine

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And you can’t be mad at the founder of Title Nine or her message. Go Missy Go.

8-4-MM

 

 

 

Gym Shirt DIY

Old Navy T-shirts make me sad. Real sad. I bought these V-necks a while back because I thought they’d be a cheaper version of my favorite American Apparel V-neck that doesn’t seem to exist anymore. But no. It’s all about the fit, and these fit as basic and sad as can be. So they deserve to die.

First I hit them with bleach and RIT dye. Then I took my Nike tank, which has a nice loose-ish long-ish fit, and used it as a template, and turned those stupid shirts that made me feel sad into easy to grab no-brainer, I know that will work gym tanks. I mean, why not? Nothing to lose.

I also tank-ified a Nike men’s T-shirt so now I might actually wear it. I just can’t do sleeves when I work out. Why?

1. I feel all constrained and claustrophobic and sweaty.

2.  I have pretty broad shoulders, so tanks help me look more balanced.

3. I’m not going to show my legs (like ever) and I like my arms, so bare arms, covered legs is my gig. Again. Balance.

 

 

Why I don’t miss sugar or wheat. And why you can’t be annoyed by that.

In the past, if you told me “I just don’t eat sweets” I would hear “I’m a pretentious liar who can’t deal with the fact that I’m on a diet.”

Today, I would say “Really? Me too? Why? Do they make you sick?” and I’d talk to you for a half hour about inflammation and the politics of the food industry and stuff.

Today is the 100th day I have been off sugar. And of those 100 days, I only had bread once. It was inspired by the lady who documented her 100 days at the gym and Whole30. I had bigger plans, but my “Whole100” devolved into just 100 days w/o sugar and wheat. I don’t care. Progress is progress and 100 days is game changer. A change has been made.

Sugar and wheat/bread/flour/whatevers make my whole body ache like I have the flu. After dinner EVERY DAY I would curl up and whine. Sometimes I’d take a bath to feel better. Like, multiple times a week. I have no idea why I accepted that existing meant feeling like crap for so long. I didn’t even think about it. I’m sure there are other things I’m doing to myself now that make me feel like crap that I should work on next. But my point is this: you can read all the books on sugar and wheat (I have) but until you have a powerful, meaningful reason to not eat them, they’re literally addictive drug-like things and they will make their way into your face. Once I realized that I felt like shit all the time, and it was their fault, making them go away was psychologically effortless.

Physically, there was a bit of effort. Yes, I went through the carb flu. And I felt like the walking dead. And no I haven’t lost any weight despite not eating most carbs. (excuse me while I go have an IT’S NOT FAIR!!! hissy fit…) But now that I’ve kicked the habit, I just don’t want to go back to eating that shit that makes me feel like shit. Also, I don’t want to have to start at square one with the carb flu. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

People can talk about positive motivation all they want. You can say you’re working out “to be healthy” and I will still translate that statement in my head to “I’m working out to be thinner.” Sure they’re the same thing. But don’t bullshit me. “Healthy” and “Clean” and “Strong” are not concepts that motivate.

Negative motivation is more powerful. It’s real. It embraces what really matters to you, and that, my friend is what WILL GET YOU THERE.

So lets be a little more honest, OK?

I don’t eat non-produce carbs because they make me feel like shit.

I’m working out because I don’t want my body to look and feel like it does. I don’t want to be self-conscious, and hate getting dressed, and have a nervous breakdown when someone invites me to the beach. Basically, I don’t want to feel like shit.

Those thoughts get me moving. I am literally running away from the negative. “Better cardiovascular fitness” does not get me to put on a jog bra.

Why are you doing P90X? Because you don’t want to keep on taking “before” pictures.

Why are you running a marathon? Because you have something to prove.

Why are you going to boot camp? Because you can’t push yourself hard enough on your own.

Why are you lifting weights? Because at some point someone made you feel weak. (Who can’t say that?) And you need to feel like you can kick someone’s ass.            Or you’re going bald.

Why do I go to Dailey Method classes? Because my butt is sagging lower by the day and will soon reach my knees. And the only way I’m going to workout hard enough to change that, is by paying so much for class that I’ll feel like shit if I half-ass it. (I have the Dailey Method DVDs, but they lack this feature.)

So if someone is honest enough to say “I’m going to spin because I feel fat” do them a favor. Don’t say “You’re not fat.” Say “That’s awesome. Do you like it?”

We’re all doing what we’re doing because in one way or another we don’t want to feel like shit. We’re motivated by the negative. And that’s a very positive thing.

 

May & June WorkOutFits

Here are some of my recent WorkOutFits. Apparently I like two things: neon pink, and black grey black. I could wear pink on top of black or grey on top of black all week, and not repeat an outfit. Some of these look like repeats, but I swear they’re not. ha! The yellow and purple is a total anomaly. But…pretty fun I must say.

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You’ll notice I wear mostly tunics. Because I’m a pear, and it just kind of grazes over my figure. I wear a regular tank top for boot camp, because they often have us on our hands and feet jumping around, so you don’t want your shirt to fly up. I should be wearing something snug in the middle to Dailey Method. But…that’s more of a fashion show scene, so I don’t care. I bring out the good tops for those classes.

I love capris and knickers. That’s all I wear. I have been rocking a baggy shirt tight pants look since I was 13. What works for your body works. Stick with it. Like Mr. Rodgers. Plus, capris and knickers are the most supportive, easy to move it, easy to forget about things there are. Maybe shorts work for you, great. Not me. Long pants? only in the winter. They feel too damn hot. Calf sweat? Ew. I dress like a football player. Just without all the terrible color choices and ugly graphics. And white pants. Seriously, they need to cut that out. I could really help the NFL with their styling. It would actually be a dream job, so if you work there, gimme a call. 🙂 Please. I mean it.

Evolve Yoga Clothing: Pretend Shopping Spree!

Well. I hate Facebook ads as much as the rest of you, but since I started blogging about fitness wear, they’ve actually started to be pretty useful! Thanks, internet, for delivering brands I never heard of, directly to my eyeballs.

Today I clicked on Kira Grace. Why? Because as I’ve said, I have over 20 pairs of black workout capris. So I’m kind of looking for a little variety. Probably not in color or pattern, because while I love that shit, it probably won’t get worn as much as something black just with a little extra somethin’ somethin’.

Like panels and cut-outs and ruching oh my!

Kira Grace Romance Mesh Ballet Legging

Kira Grace Romance Mesh Ballet Legging

The Kira Grace leggings had a sheer panel that I liked, and that led me to Evolve Yoga Clothing, which is AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME SAUCE. They’re an Oregon-based yoga apparel site and they stock fun fun things. Love love. Here are some things that I would buy right now if I hadn’t just ordered a stay-in-place sporty pretty swimsuit from Title 9 called the Rizzo.

Rizzo Tankini

Rizzo Bottoms Rizzo Tankini

 

So, here you go.

STUFF FROM EVOLVE FITWEAR I WANT TO BUY RIGHT NOW BUT SHOULDN’T BUT MIGHT: 

Onzie X-Back Fitness Bra

Is that Minnie Driver? No. But I like the moxie.

Tonic Peak Cutout Legging

Tonic Peak Cutout Legging

These, I kind of need. They’re cutout without being trashy, you know?

Teeki Clouds Hot Pant-made from plastic bottles
Welcome to fun town!!

Jala Clothing Jessie Legging

Jala Clothing Jessie Legging

Black. Pattern. Cellulite camoflage potential. Yup.

Liquido Cobra Leggings

Liquido Cobra Leggings

COBRA! WHAT??? HOTTTTTT! LOVE IT!

Teeki Balanced Traveler Hot pant

Teeki Balanced Traveler Hot pant

Wowie zowie. Too bold for my big ol’ butt probably, but somebody please buy these happy pants.

Omgirl Nomad Legging

Omgirl Nomad Legging

Aww. That’s nice…

 

LVR Ombre Terry Leggings

LVR Ombre Terry Leggings

These are terry cloth: sweatshirt material. Cozy for colder times.

Spiritual Gangster Sacred Yoga Tank

Spiritual Gangster Sacred Yoga Tank

Sure. Why not.

Jala Clothing Sari Terry Top

Jala Clothing Sari Terry Top

I am actually trying to learn this technique right now. I’m applying it to my not-flattering generic basic workout shirts so I can try to give them a chance before I just donate them for being ugly.

 

 

So there you go. Some super fun stuff I want from Evolve Fitwear. Can we all agree that we can do better than this now? K. Thanks.

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I HATE TECH TEEEEEEEEES.                          Boooo. Sad pants. 😦