Athleta Pretend Shopping Spree

Hey there.  Sorry I’ve been MIA. It’s because:

1. I haven’t been shopping much because day care is really fucking expensive. Like, more than my post-grad education-expensive. Not kidding. #americawehaveaproblem

2. I’ve been busy working because, see 1.

3. I haven’t been working out because I HAVE HAD A STUPID SINUS INFECTION FOR OVER HALF THE YEAR. No joke. You know how you feel when you have half a cold, and aren’t really snotting all over anymore, but your head is full of pudding and you can’t think straight and you also feel like someone is sucking 70% of your life force out of you at all times? That’s me. Most of this year. It’s not cool.

I have, however, become a Ketonian, which I’d love to tell you about, and will, soon, but not now. More important? Fall fitness fashion.

Pretend shopping spree at Athleta:

You KNOW I love me some Athleta. I’m wearing Chaturanga Capris and the Daily Tank right now, with my murdered-out Nike Frees.

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So for this fall, Athleta is introducing some Shapey/Supporty stuff called Sculptek. But I don’t care. At least not right now.

What I do care about is:

The HIGH NECK STRIPE CHI TANK because it’s basically what I’m already wearing, but in a cute stripe. If I had to uniform it for the rest of my life, I would have to just admit that it’s tunics and leggings for me. Has been since I was 13.

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The SCOUT SLIP ON BY DR. SCHOLLSNEW WAVE BY OBTB, and SODA JOGGER BY ASH because when I commute to the city for an on-site gig, I have to walk a mile from the train station to the office, hauling a computer. And that’s when shit gets real. Gotta have #cuteworkshoes

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THE ANYTIME BRA because when I’m not working on-site, I’m usually athelisure-style because it’s still sweltering here and even walking the dog equals sweating. And sweating in a real bra is GROSS.

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THE LASER MESH SONAR CAPRI because I’m kind of low on pants that really stay up, and I’m trying to start running again. And they’re fucking cool. screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-9-00-30-am

THE CIRCUIT CAPRI because they seem even more serious about their “not fall down” nature with their elastic topped high-rise waistband.screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-9-01-52-am

 

THE LEA WEDGE BY SOREL because they were my clients, and I love them, and that boot is awesomely rugged/ rustic/ and futuristic at the same time. Oh, and waterproof. (See city walking needs above.)

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And of course, the GLEAM TIGHT 2.0 and SUEDE  because let’s be honest, unless I’m going to the city I’m probably not wearing pants. Half the time. At least. screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-9-08-27-am

HAPPY FALL FASHION SEASON!

Oh, and I went to Luluelmon yesterday and peeked around. They have what look like could be some powerful running tights, but they’ve jacked up their prices again, so I just said WELL FUCK YOOOOOU, THEN and walked out. $150 for running tights, guys. That’s like, five minutes of day care. Too expensive.

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F-YEAH! NIKE

Let’s pause for a commercial break. Literally. In real life, I am an advertising Copywriter/ Creative Director, and I’ve worked on a lot of sports brands (adidas, Nike, the WTA, ESPN, Fox Sports, etc.) The Olympics are starting today and that means HERE COME THE BIG SPORTS ADS! For me, it’s like the Superbowl of Superbowl ads for the Superbowl of all sports.

And Nike, or rather their advertising agency, Wieden and Kennedy just BROUGHT IT.

Get stoked, people. Sport is happening. Whoo!

 

 

Pretend Shopping Spree: Reebok

Like I said in my previous article about Reebok, I have a lot of respect for this funky, gritty, true to itself brand. They’re doing great work right now. And they’re making some great looking workout wear. For to enjoy: Reebok.

1. Combat Bralette $60 2. CrossFit High Impact Bra $70 3. Reebok X Tristan Eaton Collage Tight $65  4. Dance Shattered Glam Tight $55  5. Cardio Woven Jacket $110  6. Reebok X Face Stockholm $50

VSX X JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS

Holy shit. This is truly outrageous.

Victoria’s Secret Sport has a line of sports bras based on Jem and the Holograms.

I mean, they might not KNOW that they did it. But they totally did it.

I introduce to you the “Incredible” by Victoria’s Secret sports bra.

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RIGHT??????

But wait. There’s more!!!

PIZAZZZ!

 

SYNERGY!

 

KIMBER!

 

Of course, my fitstyle is more

JETTA!

But whatever.

Thank you VSX for that surprising bit of joy I had trying on sports bras yesterday.

 

 

Oh, Sweaty Betty.

Sweaty Betty, London’s answer to Lulu, sent me another catalog today. I got it and thought “Hmm. Maybe this is the time I’ll actually order something.” They have great style. And every catalog comes with a 30% off code and free shipping, which takes a little bit of the sting out. So I sat down with an open mind and an open wallet.

Man did they fuck up.

They have just hiked up all of their prices from “yeesh” to “Fuck You.”

First page: Yellow “Free Style Tee.” Oversized tee with an open crossover back in lightweight fabric. (polyester.) $100.

Wait. What?

I thought $68 for a Lululemon tank was expensive, but at least I could rationalize it because the fabric is so thick and flattering and the cut hides my armpit fat.

But this is a leap, man. $100 for a fucking oversized YELLOW of all colors T-shirt?

Did Alexander McQueen come back from the dead and hand-distress it himself?

Is it woven completely out of the clippings swept up off the floor after Princess Kate gets her hair trimmed?

Is the yellow color made of dye that is squeezed out of canary feathers by artisan feather color squeezers, trained in the old way?

Does the open crossover back enable its wearer to literally fly?

Will wearing it cause Ryan Gosling/ Ryan Reynolds/ Whoever you like to appear before you to give you a pedicure?

Did the Mulleavy sisters (Rodarte) spit on it and then put it in a ziplock back that was on a shuttle that orbited the earth for twelve and a half years so it could get that perfect provenance and je ne sais quoi?

I mean, this is not a T-shirt put out by a label that has spent decades if not generations influencing fashion and art, and thereby kind of sort of able to sell a T-shirt for $100 because they’ve fucking earned it. This is a yellow polyester T-shirt for sweating in.

Did they put it there as a test to see if anyone was paying attention? Or did they just hike up the price like that because ladies who can buy your stuff don’t look at prices so why not take more of that money? Oh. Yeah. That’s what they did. And that’s really fucking rude. And that shit caught me on the wrong day.

Granted, on the next few pages there are some reasonably priced swimsuits (real suits cost money, a fact that you learn as you get into your one-piece years). But then, right there on page 15 and beyond:

Spin Training Tunic: “perfect lightweight running layer.” $115

Taper Run Tee $115

Zero Gravity Run Tights $160

(And no, I’m not posting pictures of ANY of it because I’m not going to help them sell it.)

Interval Run Tank $115

Cadence Run Jacket $200 and 40 fucking dollars are you mother fucking kidding me?

Tabata Training Tee $95 (I shit you not this is a boxy, short-sleeved, light grey T-shirt.)

Ocean Bay Zip Through (This is a hoodie.) $225

OH LOOK, HERE’S A $105 YOGA CAMI. Because if your outfit doesn’t cost twice as much as your monthly studio fees, then you’re never going to…what? I don’t even know what.

But then their sports bras are $65. Which is actually what a really good sports bra costs, so, reasonable.

Ohp, nope. Here’s another $90 yoga tee on the next page.

Sigh. Fine.

Enjoy your Sweaty Betty, rich people. I can take a hint. I’d be “more comfortable” in something else.

But also,

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LA Gear.

Sit and examine this photo for a good seven minutes and absorb all of the gloriousness. Relish in the complete lack of irony. Bask in the pure perkiness. Hear the rattling of the tenth empty can of Rave hairspray hitting the floor and rolling away as the stylist says “almost” and uncaps the eleventh. Don’t ask why skirts have suspenders, jean shorts have belts, and  jeans are worn over two layers of bike shorts. Just enjoy.

Thank you, picture of LA Gear models I found on Pinterest. Thank you.

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Reebok embraces its funky funky truth.

Reebok.

When I say that, what comes to mind?

For me, a child of the 80s and a teen of the 90s, I think of these:

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Like, totally bubble gum pink!

and these:

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Pump-pump it up!

Reebok was Nike before Nike was Nike. (Step Reebok, anybody? PURPLE PINK TEAL BLACK!) There was a little bit of celebrity endorsement, but bold, bright funky products were the star, because, after all, Reebok let U.B.U.

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Cow spots and southwestern? These were EVERYTHING!!!

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Did Reebok invent cross training? I don’t remember. Probably not, but here’s an article. CLICK.

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PSYCH! These are from 2014! (blacktop tribal)

And since then…um…crickets? Not really. They never stopped existing. But you tell me what Reebok has been known for since then. (Oh yeah, Easy Tone. I got a check from the class action suit. Whoopsie!)

Cut to: twenty years later…CROSSFIT. Such a funky, fringe, down and dirty sport-hobby thing. Reebok embraced it, branded it, and made it A THING. (Their CrossFit logo has even taken over and become their brand logo.) When I think about CrossFit (grunting out basic exercises in an extreme way and probably twisting an ankle?) I think “no thanks, weirdo. I care not about your WOD.” But when I watch it on TV, I am RIVETED!!! It’s like track and field. It’s basic in the best, “pared down to simple feats of physical strength, technique and endurance” way possible. Totally kooky, but totally owning it. And the ‘bok is all about it.

Reebok has a history of embracing specific sports and fitness trends (aerobics, Step Reebok) so this is a move that’s true to the brand’s DNA. It’s authentic. It feels right. They’re also the official footwear brand of the UFC, they have a line called “combat” (Fuck yeah!), and they have a partnership with Les Mills developing apparel and workouts. (Les Mills = Body Pump.)

Reebok is getting back to what they’ve been best at. Not trying to out-Nike nike or out-pro UnderArmour, but instead being a little funky dunky fringe, and celebrating specific, not-mainstream sports. They’re reissuing a lot of classics, and their current collection of fitness apparel reminds me of the late 80s/early 90s era when they were last kicking ass. (Check out their “Rally” summer lookbook here.)  It’s all coming back together. Good on you, Reebok. U.B.U.

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Winter workout wear likes.

OK you guys. I forgot to tell you about a pair of Old Navy leggings that don’t suck. This is big, because they all suck. Unless you are skinny and have no cellulite. (Thin can wear cheap.) Even then, the quality is pretty suck-town. EXCEPT FOR THESE:

The Go Warm High Rise Compression Legging. They are neither super thick, nor super squeezy, despite their name. But they DO go up to the waist and the dark-on-dark stripe is pretty flattering, camouflage-y, and not see-through. I hate lined leggings, so these (plus leg warmers) are my winter walking pants. Also, they’re like $26. Boom.

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In other news: Lucy’s new stuff is pretty cute. They’ve stepped it up. Their jackets in particular are a little different. Avoid the crowd at Lulu, hit up Lucy, and you’ll probably have something that the rest of the studio sorority doesn’t have. I’m talking to you, twenty women I saw at the mall yesterday with LuluLemon bags…LuluLemmings.

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OK. I admit these photos I pulled from the Lucy website are not that mind-blowing. But if you’re by the store, swing in. They’re better in person.

I was also in Dick’s this weekend. And Nordstrom. And Athleta. And LuluLemon. (My husband got Lasik so I was killing a lot of time in the mall-type area near the Lasik office waiting to pick him up.)  Overall, my impression is this: every main stream fitness line has become more stylish. None of them are pathetic anymore. Nike has tons of cute, longer, more flattering cuts this year. Under Armor has better colors, new patterns, etc. Calia is still way too much product, but it’s all quite pretty. Lulu’s always good. Athleta and Lucy have caught up. Adidas, I’m sad to say, seems to be lagging way behind, though. (Except for the Stella McCartney and adidas originals stuff, of course. That shits always hot. Just their training clothes are lame.)

I have to not buy things for a bit, but if I were in buying mode this weekend, I would have bought these in a hot second.

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I still kind of need this sweatshirt. I’m still thinking about it two days after seeing it. If I win the powerball, I’ll go get it. 😉 Or if you win, send me one.

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Nike

I’d like to visit the world where this camo makes you disappear!

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Nike

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Under Armour

Um. Hello, Nick Cave soundsuits + Yayoi Kusama polka dots! I would love to look like a trippy muppet. Awesome!

 

 

 

 

End of year top ten 2015.

Hey Aimee, you got an end of year top ten list for us? It’s the end of the year. It’s list time. It’s what people do…

Sure, pretend person who asks me questions to prompt blog posts. Of course I can do that for you. Here you go…

PRETTY-SWEATY’S TOP TEN FAVORITE FITNESS THINGS 2015

10. FAVORITE WORKOUT PANTS: Athleta Chaturanga. Yes still. They’ll probably be knocked down a peg when I start really running again in 2016, because I doubt they’d stay up. But until then, the stretchy, never too tight, available in infinite lengths and colors and patterns, INCLUDING a new high waist version, are still my go-to. Because pants that never make me feel fat will never not be my favorites.

9. FAVORITE FITNESS TRACKER: UP2 by Jawbone. Best looking. User-friendly and nicely designed app.

8. FAVORITE PROTEIN BAR: Quest Bars, mother fucker! They taste like magic and are made of sparkles! Plus: fiber.

7. FAVORITE PROTEIN SHAKE: Sun Warrior. Chocolate flavor. It’s vegan, so it’s like you’re drinking a salad. (I tell myself.) Add spinach, psyllium husks, cocoa, a pinch of salt, and a little bit of stevia, and you’re good. It looks green, but it tastes like a Wendy’s frosty. Chocolate + Spinach works.

6. FAVORITE JOG BRA: Under Armour Armour Bra. I have faith that eventually I’ll find the Moving Comfort (honorable mention) bra for me, but it only took one trip to Sports Authority dressing room to find an Under Armor one. They’re color-coded for cup size, and they don’t have too many options, which is makes finding the right one for you quick and easy… If you know what size you are… Which I don’t because it changes every month. (Pregnancy should be considered a 2-3 year process for your body.) They have different impact ratings, but I don’t understand the point of anything that’s not rated for “Hi-Impact” (or why they don’t spell out “high”). Their H-I-G-H impact sports bra is called the Armour Bra. It’s well-engineered. Easy to get on and off (back clasps). And doesn’t cut into your armpit fat. In fact, it has special soft and stretchy bits around the armpits specifically so it doesn’t do that. VERY WELL DONE, UNDER ARMOUR! VERY WELL DONE.

5. FAVORITE WORKOUT: I still stand by a combo of boot camp and barre. Boot camp is basically the OG of HIIT. And any barre program will do. But I really like Suzanne Bowen’s Barre Amped series of DVDs as a lighter alternative to The Dailey Method. #yesiamstilloutofshape

4. FAVORITE FITNESS MAGAZINE: Experience Life. It’s put out by Lifetime Fitness, and it’s a healthy lifestyle magazine. A lot about nutrition, wellness, life balance, etc. It’s a good for when you get burnt out on Shape, Self, Womens’ Fitness, Oxygen, etc. It’s also great if you feel like you’re always swimming upstream while trying to live a healthy lifestyle. This magazine will make you feel like you’re not crazy, and not alone. (This is me: “Wait. People still eat pizza? Who? Who still eats pizza? …Wait. They still sell fat-free shit? People still buy fat-free shit? Where the fuck am I? Has nobody read anything in the last ten years? What is going on in the world???”) Also: you won’t be bombarded with fitness models and celebrities. It’s a safe space.

3. FAVORITE NEW(ISH) FITNESS LABEL: Olympia Sport. Strong, yet beautiful stuff. Goddess wear.

2. PRETTIEST WORKOUT PIECE: ALO Goddess Leggings. Who doesn’t want to look like an off-duty ballerina? Nobody. That’s who. And that’s why these leggings are just so…I don’t know…lovely.

1. FAVORITE GYM: The shittiest gym in town, whatever town I’m in. I like the cheapest, most down and dirty, simplest, nothing but machines, little shit hole of a gym available. I don’t like big gyms. I don’t like “fitness centers.” The bigger it is, the more of “a thing” it is to go there. If the gym has STAIRS and multiple FLOORS? I’m out. I don’t even like studios that offer more than one kind of class. And if people can watch your class while they’re working out? Forget it. I’m not paying to be someone else’s entertainment. I like to stay anonymous. I don’t want everybody all up in my shit. I just want to get in, do my thing, not talk to a single person, not feel intimidated, and get the fuck out. If the walls need painting, and the ceiling is leaking somewhere, that’s a good sign. That means there aren’t too many people paying too much money for too much stuff. I LOVE a shitty little gym.

 

P.S. Sorry/ Not Sorry for no links or pics in this post. I’m tired, I don’t feel like it, and I’ve got other shit to do. You understand, I’m sure. The beginning of the year kind of blows for everybody, right? Right. TTYL. Love, Aimee.