Wish me luck.

So. Girl who talks about workout clothes. Are you working out? What are you doing for fitness these days? Are you trying to lose the baby weight? Like, at all? Because…yeah. You might want to start working on that. You will have to wear pants soon. Winter is coming.

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Yikes.

Yeah. I am. For nutrition, I’m doing Whole30. Which is basically: don’t eat anything processed, and no starches, legumes, sugars, fake sugars, booze, or dairy. I do a lot of that already, but the hard part is ditching the Coke Zero, Pinot Noir and Quest Bars, and watching my portions. I basically live on Coke Zero, Pinot Noir, and Quest Bars, so…yeah. It’s going to be something.

And for fitness, I’m doing Bikini Body Mommy. I know. Worst name ever. I cringe at anything “mommy.” BUT, the program is super simple, the workouts are short as hell, they email you a link to your (free) workout every day so it’s duh-proof, and the lady, Briana Christine, is very real. She’s not skinny. She lost 100 lbs a while back, (in fact, if you’ve ever searched for fitspo or before and afters, you’ve probably seen her photo, below) became a trainer, has had kids and a miscarriage, and is just continuing the lifelong, sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller, mission to be fit. So she has expertise, and she’s done it, but at the same time, she’s in a “before” phase of her life and she’s huffing and puffing so I don’t feel intimidated. (I’m doing challenge 4.0.) Kind of a magical combo. I recommend it.

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This is the Bikini Body Mommy lady.

The workouts are very short, though. So I’m trying to get my steps and fit in some barre workouts, too. I stand by barre/ Dailey Method / Barre Amped / Physique 57 etc. as the quickest way to change your shape.

But the point is, I’m on turbo for the next 30 days and I’m not stoked about it because, ew. Effort. Change. Blech. Wish me luck.

Tony Tony Tony

TONY  TONY    TONY   TONY   TONY   TONY   TONY   TONY   TONY   TONY   TONY  TONY   TONY

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Do I have a crush on Tony Horton? No. He’s a cheezeball. But I do like him. And I have enjoyed the P90x. I did it a few years ago, and guess what: weight training shrinks you. I mean, who doesn’t know that? If you don’t know it, now you do. No excuses. Get off the stupid elipser, girl. But still, actually proving it to yourself is the only way to KNOW know the truth. And it’s time for me to get some more truth.

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Brooke + Tony

My sister-in-law Brooke is a badass. You may have run into her on the youtubes (crazy running mom) or the facebooks.  She’s a multi-marathonner and she’s also super into Beach Body: she’s done Body Beast and the 21 day fix and Shakeology…she’s a coach and everything. I’m telling you this because I’m part of her P90X3 challenge group that starts on May 27th. In challenge groups, you sign up and commit to a challenge, in this case, following P-90X3, with a group of people. You do it with a coach (Brooke) who runs the group, and gives you all the support and advice you need. There’s a private Facebook group where you talk to the other people in the group and hopefully peer pressure / shit-talk each other enough to follow through. And you have to be accountable to them. You have to check in daily and report on your workout/food. And if you win the group you win…I’m not sure. Maybe discounts at Beach Body or something. Plus, Beach Body gives out cash prizes for before and afters they like. And we all want to be fitness models one day, so obviously that’s what we all want to win. Wait. That’s just me? Oh. Well. OK. Whatever. Screen Shot 2014-05-16 at 1.21.32 PMIf you’re interested in joining, go to her facebook page and message her. Her beach body coach site is here. (Ideally, you buy the program through her site. So she gets credit for it. Why not if you’re going to get it anyway, right?)  There’s still a little time left to get the program and join our challenge. I MIGHT even post a before and after. I mean I will. Have an after. I’m just going to repeat that until I believe it because I’ve literally never taken an after photo. BUT I WILL. Right? Anyway, join up wussies! Get strong! Want to meet your coach? Here’s her video about it: Screen Shot 2014-05-16 at 1.30.56 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hicG6RXnMUU&list=UU-aw0m5goxbDIZPaffziWPA

How to make no progress whatsoever.

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NAILING IT!

I’ve been working really hard at making no progress whatsoever lately, and I’m really excited to share my tips! They are 100% proven to work!

Only do cardio.

Don’t track your food.

Drink when you’re bored.

Stay up late doing nothing on the internet.

Drink coffee in the afternoon and then cost yourself some sleep.

Use “no sugars no starches” as a free pass to eat at least 3x the meat and fat you need.

Don’t drink water.

Spend more time talking and shopping about working out than actually moving.

Eat lots of Atkins bars in addition to real food. Serving size = I box of bars. Enjoy those stomach rumbles!

Hope it works for you as well as it has for me!