I have been a dedicated fan of the Jawbone Up24 and Up2 fitness trackers for the last few years, but NO LONGER! I lost my first one, because there’s no clasp on an UP24 so I looped it around the top of my pants because I wanted stroller steps to count, and it fell off. D’oh!

Then I bought an Up2. And they had to replace it because the strap tore. AND, they didn’t have a black one to replace it with so I had to accept a light grey one, which I knew would look filthy and gross and cheap like a sad dead rubber band, and it did. But I had no choice, so I wore it until…

The band on that third one, the replacement for the second one, JUST TORE!  I emailed Jawbone’s customer service and they sent me a “we got your email” email, but nothing after that. It’s been weeks. So I called, and their message is basically a half-step better than dealing with Comcast—which means getting slapped with a glove filled with rocks instead of slapped with a glove filled with rocks with spikes on it…the message basically says “We really suck, you will not reach a person, you can try emailing. Cheers!”

So, fuck that shit. I’m done. Also, Fitbit finally makes bands that aren’t giant and ugly and hideous, so that worked out well for me, timing-wise.

Meet my new jam! Fitbit Alta.

And yes, of course I got the special edition gold one. And yes, of course I already have a pink leather strap for it. Obviously. Come on.

Fitbit Alta Super Brief Review:

So far, so good. The straps are very easy to switch out. The bracelet has a very secure clasping system. The Fitbit Alta does seem a little more rugged than the UP2 was, so hopefully it won’t tear like those jokers did. It’s super easy to use. The app is fine. And it lets me know when I’m getting a call or a text, which is a little bit “Hey, calm down, you’re just a pretty pedometer OK? Stay in your lane.” But you can’t blame a bracelet for trying.